Staked Bamboo Pit
Fell
right
in
evidently.
nothing
done
so
Far.
remains
insouciant.
eventually
notices
distinct
stabbing
From
rear.
i’ve
entrapped
no
dumb
swine.
Friends
remain
intimate
even
now,
death
squealing.
Word Fresco: A Place For Inspired Thought
A Web Log of Poetry, Critique and Creativity
what a visit… so much in between the lines…very effective with the one word lines and room and room to fill the gaps..
Thank you, Claudia.
Oh my gosh! This packs a real whallop, in its silences as much as in its words. Very clever. K.
Thank you, Manicdaily.
I like the way the shape of the poem matches what I imagined to be someone falling down a well (or I guess a pit from the title)…or well, not falling…someone pushed down by a trusted friend.
Reminds me of a true crime where a girlfriend was pushed down the side of a mountain by her “boyfriend.” And the thoughts going through her head in those last seconds. Ugh.
Thank you Anne Katherine. You are right but please read this horizontally and vertically. Then please see my poem “Two Messages.” It follows a similar (and different) pattern.
Very clever! I did not notice that at all. Some friend.
Where can I find “Two Messages”?
It’s under the headline “More Fresco Words.” Thank you, Anne Katherine.
Thank you, Anne Katherine.
Wow what an undercurrent. Reminded me of the movie The Last Supper.
Thank you, oceangirl.
Very clever with the capitalization and word lengths. I know it’s about betrayal, but it still makes me giggle to picture the scene.
Thank you, Shawna. Maybe I should have called this “Four Friends” instead.
I’m sure you’re joking, but the existing title is necessary to set the scene. I think this one time, you might consider single spacing to bring the vertical reading into better focus. The odd capitalization led me to read those four words as a separate poem (fell far from friends) which, if the lines are more compact, will bring out the repetition of “Friends.” It isn’t obvious enough at present, if you ask me. But perhaps I’m just dense.
This poem originally was a spiral-shaped single-spaced poem, Perhaps I’m dense, but with this site, I seem to have no control over spacing and everything seems to align left whether I’ve written it that way or not. Thank you, Shawna.
That must be infuriating. I would have liked to see it in its intended form. … And we’re probably all dense and have no control over anything.
It is. Thank you, Shawna.
Maybe you should ask for your $83 back … or whatever it was.
With tech support, more like two hundred.
wow…the clipped single word lines cascading enhances this so much…and dang if i cant get the sound of those squealing pigs out of my head as the friends smile cordially…
Thank you, brian. The poem gets its feel from the fact that all the words in the poem stem from the word
F
r
i
e
n
d
s repeated four times.
Very clever.
Thank you, booguloo.
very intriguing – like a puzzle.
Thank you for playing, Sheila.
The spaces indeed make room for mind and emotion to freely play with meaning. Your words set the boundary, the playing field.
Thank you, Chazzy Chazz.
I like this line: Far ~ remains ~ insouciant.
nanotubes
Thank you, zongrik.
love the word flow,
smiles.
Thank you, Taylor.
Single words, double spaced, FRIENDS
spread out four times, we get it all in
a short breath, 28 words, and yet it
shakes our sphere, rattles our realm;
excellent fun.
Thank you, Glenn.
hmmm not sure this is about a swine or metaphor for a backstabber!
interesting read however, happy gooseberry day!!
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/the-dark-side-of-the-moon/
Thank you, Lynnaima.
Nice poem! Loved it’s pace.
Thank you, DC.
Very, very interesting. I enjoyed it.
Thank you, ZQ.
what a unique poem that leaves me wondering more… I really enjoyed this:)
~L
Thank you, ~L.